I respect, value womanhood, but this short clip by Akku, shared by a friend Alka, helped me to introspect deeper. It actually opened my eyes. I need to transcend a lot lot more. That will be the real tribute to women in my life and womanhood, as such.
The COVID incarceration has set a few things right. This is one such. I shall continue to strive to be a good human being..
Here are my introspection and reflection…
I usually take a stance in a few things –
A. A person has to struggle and do hands on to learn something that could be of value for life. So, in such things I do not usually help, keep pushing them to do themselves so they learn. Struggle is part of learning and that makes the learning lasting.
B. There are a lot of small things that I can do immediately and should. I tell myself, I will after doing this other job that I am involved right now in. And meanwhile, the women will spot and want to do. I at times, fight or let them do. Aaj kare so ab, I will do this.
C. I value money, tight-fisted. I do not fritter. Also, ironically, many times penny wise, pound foolish. In the sense I do not chase those who owe money to me while I do not spend even for some small wants.
But, I do spend on passions, that I see as investment to grow. There are quite a few things here that raises conflict when I question the real need of what the family members want to buy. At times, I am at the other end, I think they need it and buy for them only to be told that it’s a waste and no one would use…..
Here is an example. Movie watching. The goddess in my life, Indira, comes from a family that used to watch movies at theatres, first day first show. It is so important.
My childhood was bereft of movies or TV and I watch only exceptional and acclaimed. Most movies, I usually consider, are trash. After 3 hours of watching, most will categorize so, even though a jhalak of a trailor can tell you it is a bad film. So, I have not facilitated Indira, in the sense, have not gone with her to watch movies as much as she wants me to. But never stopped her from going with friends or family members, though I have commented that it is a sheer waste of money.
To facilitate, I had bought a DVD player within a few months of marriage. It costed 30K then, 1998. She never watched a single movie on it. Now, five years ago, I have created a movie theatre at home with large screen 12’x18′ and JBL sound systems. Yet, she has not watched a single movie there. Possibly, at home, it is not a focused exercise of entertainment as it would become in a theatre, with no other disturbance or distraction !
Only change that has happened recently is, after the OTTs have come, two years ago, I have brought a large plasma and put on the same floor as we live, in the hall. She now watches a couple of films in a week. I am happy.
For her watching films is all about going to theatre, big screen. And such a big cineplex created at home, a flight of 15 stairs, she has not wholeheartedly jumped at. Similarly food, books where I can be much more facilitating..
I also feel good, a consolation, as many of my purchases – exquisitely unique sarees, accessories have been grabbed.
C. At times, the ego does not allow to accept certain things that nature has naturally bestowed to a man or a woman. Woman are wired to carry minutest details of every thing in life and they can recall even after decades. And I, tend to sleep off everything and hardly recall any incidents or events. But in arguments, when it heats up, every thing ends up questioning my non-spends, non-facilitation. The talk heads towards financial independence and I, at times, blurt that I bring home money, and I too do not spend for many necessities; So ask why need to? That hits emotionally. The ego has done the job. I will have to be very very conscious and erase it. I am working on it.
Especially as an entrepreneur, irrespective of how small or large your company is, the first salary cut if at all one has to, will be one’s own. And, I take a small fraction of what my fellow MCA/MTech/IIM batchmates must be earning on their salaried jobs. Still, looking at the way my childhood struggles were, for every paise, I am satisfied that I have created a reasonable wealth that can last at least my children’s generation; of course, it is another story, that they will create their own wealth and may not need any from parents, once they stand on their feet.
Henceforth, I shall be more liberal in spends, and say yesss to what they say, hear their logical reasoning and do as much as I can.
Will religiously do a quality circle every week for feedback and become better…
Actually if I keep my mind open, it will be 24×7 quality circle….
But for family vision may need a monthly one, that could help each one plan their future and be purposeful.
I for one will put them first. This is a process to realize ones infinity, family’s infinity, the infinite potential within each and the collective.